Plastic surgery or any other cosmetic procedures are often associated with Hollywood celebrities and wives of the rich. After all, it’s only they who can afford it, right? Well, not anymore. Nowadays, it is possible to see men going in for breast implants, Botox and even nose jobs.
Believe it or not, there are a number of cosmetic procedures that are for men’s eyes only. So, if you want to make yourself look more masculine and you have extra cash to spare, then check out these 10 crazy procedures that could make your borderline comedic.
1. Mustache Surgery
There is something about men and mustaches, which women will never understand. For many years, that slightly skewed werewolf-look sported by men made it look like the mustache is and will always be a part of the cool dude’s dress code.
Sadly, not everyone can have one. If you are one of them, then there’s good news for you. After blaming your parents for giving you those kinds of genes, you can be the perfect candidate for mustache surgery.
The process is simple. Doctors will take out groups of hair from different portions of your body, also known as follicular unit extraction, and surgically paste them on your upper lip. It the same as scalp implants, but this one covers the space between your nose and mouth. Before you pay $7,000 for this type of surgery, make sure you have enough hair anywhere else in your body. There is no such thing as a “mustache hair donor,” and even if there was, you don’t want some guy’s hair on your face, do you?
2. Voice Deepening Surgery
Here’s the not-so-sexy truth: some men have a voice that is the same as a girl’s squeal. If you’re always mistaken as a chipmunk or a six-year old, despite your six-pack abs and whatever manly features you have, then there is good news for you.
You can actually make yourself sound like a mature man through voice deepening surgery.
Apparently, having a deep voice symbolizes strength and authority. If you want those, then head straight to the Texas Voice Center, so you can go through a procedure called fat injection thyroplasty.
They inject fat into your vocal chords to bulk it up and eventually create a deeper voice. It’s up to you on how deep you want your voice to be. Whatever it is, one thing is for sure: there will be an improvement and your mom won’t even know it’s you who is calling her.
3. Pectoral Implants
Here is another not-so-sexy truth: it’s hard to get that Chris Pratt – Ryan Reynolds type of body. You have to spend a lot of time in the gym working out to be even that close to them. Don’t worry. If you can’t get your lazy bum up and about, then there is an easier way for you to at least build those pecs, even while lying down.
This process is called pectoral implants. Basically, this procedure is just like breast implants, only smaller. You can even customize the size of the silicone implants depending on your preference to create a fuller, thicker look in your chest area. So, if you are willing to spend $5,000 and more for better-looking pectorals, then check out this type of implants.
Who says only women can get implants in, well, you know where.
4. Chest Hair Implant Surgery
If you can put hair in your head or even between your nose and lips, then you can surely put hair on your chest area, too. Apparently for you, having chest hair is sexy, which chicks really dig. Sadly, your biological disposition tells your body that it’s not possible.
Why not transfer hair from different portions of your body and plant them on your chest through chest hair implant surgery?
Assuming you don’t have male pattern baldness, you can transfer your scalp hair to your chest to get that chest fur you’re aiming for. It’s up to you how much hair you want. Use celebrities like Alec Baldwin or Austin Powers as your barometer.
There is a downside. Since implanted hair behaves like your head hair, then expect it to grow as well. You will need a pair of scissors every few months to give it a trim, unless you want hair to dangle from your nipples, which is not sexy.
5. Butt Enhancement
Okay, this one is too much to handle. What is happening in the world? It turns out that men are starting to become conscious as to how they look and are willing to pay thousands of dollars, just to get JLo’s butt, or at least something close to it. Yes guys. If you feel you’re lacking behind – literally speaking – then you can always opt for butt enhancement. As you age, you tend to lose some of the fat, even from behind. This can be problematic if you’re not even gifted in that area.
So, if you are tired of trying to fill up those jeans, then give this a try. It’s just hard to comprehend which is weirder, this or the pectoral implants.
6. Calf Implants
Got chicken legs? Then you must be one of those dudes who were often picked on by the big boys who made fun of your chick legs.
Not anymore. It not may be too late, even if you’re not in high school anymore when you learn about calf implants. Just like pectoral implants, this type of procedure gives your doctor a go signal to cut your legs open and stuff silicone in there to make it them bigger.
The sad part is that it doesn’t improve your strength. So, if you found yourself in an emergency situation and girls in the area are asking you to lift heavy objects, then you’re not going to be a big help. Worse, the balloon inside your legs might even burst – okay, that’s meant to be a joke.
7. Six-pack Abs Procedure, Aka Abdominal Etching
Let’s say you’ve been working out for months at the gym. When you stand in front of the mirror, you can’t see any improvements in the abdominal area, despite doing crunches 1,000 times. Thankfully, some dudes realized how hard it is go get a perfect six-pack, so they introduced a procedure called abdominal etching.
Also known as the suction six-pack, this procedure is the precise removal of fat in the abdomen area to bring out the hidden muscles. It is like liposuction, but milder and there is much less fat taken. After all, exercise will take a lot of time and effort. If you have $7,000 sitting around, and you badly want that six-pack, then go ahead and set an appointment. However, if you are not an athlete or bodybuilder, or overweight, then this procedure might not work for you. No discrimination intended, but abdominal etching is only for men with acceptable levels of belly fat.
8. Scrotum Reduction
Every man has their own insecurities and unwanted features in the body. However, not everyone has a scrotum that looks like a deflated bat wings that can surely bring a woman’s libido from 300 miles per hour to zero.
Don’t worry. There is a solution for your comically oversized scrotum. It’s actually called cosmetic scrotum reduction surgery.
Watch out guys, since this is no laughing matter. Excess skin is removed and the muscles connecting your scrotum to the penis will be repaired just to tighten the testicles. At least you don’t have to worry about the unattractiveness of your balls from now on.
9. Breast Reduction
If you can make your pecs bigger, then it really makes sense if you can actually make your man boobs smaller. Just think about this. You’ve been on the heavier side for quite some time. Since abdominal etching is something your doctor would not recommend, then at least get rid of your man boobs.
Come on guys. No dude in his right man would want boobs that can make women feel ashamed of themselves. So please, set an appointment and ask your doctor how you can reduce your cup size.
10. Laser Testicle Wrinkle Removal
So, it seem like these words don’t go well together. No matter how crazy it sounds, there is really such a thing as this. If you remember a few years back, George Clooney made a joke about having a ball ironing procedure.
It turns out that this joke is real, although it’s unsure whether Clooney really did this. Aside from wrinkles on the face, you can really opt for a laser procedure for your man down there to tighten the skin and remove any hair and blemishes.
And if you are in the Santa Monica area or live nearby, then check out Jamie Sherill. You can try this procedure for only $575, which admittedly is affordable.
One thing is for sure: you have to commend technology and the brilliant minds behind this for thinking of ways to make a person’s physical appearance better. Surprisingly, more men are also accepting the change that you, too, can also improve your appearance – and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Still, think about this: will you really go that far to make yourself look better or just work on what you have, and accept who you really are?
The choice is yours.
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