After a stressful day at work, you can’t wait to be home with your beautiful wife and eat the most sumptuous dinner. As soon as you get home, you see her wearing your white shirt while cooking dinner and preparing the table. After dinner, both of you finish your chores, head to the shower to clean up, go to bed and have the most amazing sex.
Unfortunately, that was before you had kids and everything else was well between you two. Most, if not all relationships go through a honeymoon phase. This is the stage when couples are so in love with each other and have sex 24/7. Intimacy is never an issue and most of the time, you will experience excitement as you get to know the person.
As the relationship progresses, the excitement wears off. It could be due to various reasons, such as a previous negative experience in bed, pregnancy or the arrival of the baby. Some relationship issues can grow when sex becomes a bargaining chip. If you haven’t had sex for the longest time, then this one is for you. Check out these tips on how to stop the dry spell and bring the sexy back into your bedroom.
1. Identify The Problem
This is the first step you need to do before you both take your clothes off and have a steamy session. A dry spell doesn’t happen instantly. It takes time and a combination of reasons to cause you or your partner to stop feeling sexy around each other.
There are varieties of reasons why couples don’t have sex. This includes but is not limited to the following:
Existing Medical Conditions– Serious medical issues often restrict your body and your man down there to perform its duties in bed.
Bad Sexual Experiences– Such as getting hurt in bed, or your lady didn’t enjoy the way you touched her, or sex has become uncomfortable for either of you.
Pregnancy And Kids – They can be handful. Most of the time, a new mother goes through body image issues, which affects her mood for sex.
Intercourse during pregnancy could also be painful or uncomfortable for her. There is also exhaustion and months of sleepless nights, which drains your last drop of energy reserved for sex.
Relationship Problems – Problems such as financial issues, a conflict in parenting styles, infidelity and a lack of trust among many others, can cause problems for couples.
Personal Issues – like stress, depression, and lack of self worth among others.
It is best to get into the root cause of lack of intimacy, so you can address the right issues and make it easier for you to get back on the sex track.
2. Keep Communication Lines Open
You won’t be able to resolve anything if you don’t find time to sit down and talk about your issues. Therefore, it is important to keep communication lines open.
Listen to each other’s concerns and come up with a solution that is agreeable to you both. Be honest and open about how you feel. More importantly, listen and don’t judge.
Timing is everything. Make sure to choose an intimate but non-sexual moment where you both can voice your concerns.
3. De-clutter Your Life And Your Mind
A cluttered house is a cluttered mind, so they say. You may not notice it, but a messy house could cloud your mind and mess with your libido. At the same time, distractions inside the bedroom such as laptops, mobile phones, tablets and the TV could affect your desire for sex. Worse, being connected to the World Wide Web most of the time adds to your stress levels and wrecks your libido.
Hence, de-clutter your life and your mind. Aside from cleaning your entire home, make sure that your bedroom is free from any distractions. Pack away the things you don’t need, put them in boxes with labels to make it easier for you to look for items in case you need them, and clean your love nest. The more organized you are, the higher the chances you’ll get in the mood.
4. Work Out Together
A couple that works out together, stays together. It keeps you fit and healthy and helps you get rid of unwanted pounds.
It could also be a good bonding moment, which could help rekindle the spark lost. More importantly, working out together makes you look better.
Once you look better, you will also start feeling better about yourself. At the same time, your partner will look better too, which is something you will surely love. That’s not all. Exercise releases endorphins, also known as the happy hormones. Once there is enough supply of endorphins in your system, you will feel happier.
5. Go Out On A Date
When was the last time you dated your ladylove? It is easy to set aside a date night because of kids, jobs and never-ending chores. Therefore, it won’t hurt if you make time and schedule a date night with your love. Start with a simple dinner for two in your favorite restaurant, then coffee or a movie after. You could also have a date night at home where you prepare a five-course meal or have a movie marathon once the kids are sleeping.
If possible, plan a weekend getaway or spend the entire night with only the two of you. It could be a good start to keep things in perspective, talk about existing issues and find a solution to your problems.
6. Focus On Sensuality
Sensuality is about stimulating your five senses. However, it’s not as easy as making her eat chocolate or seeing her walking around in a sexy lingerie. It goes deeper than that.
Instead of taking your clothes off in front of her and letting her eyes feast on your naked body, try a sexual exercise called sensate focus.
It is a series of stages, which allows you to get intimacy back in a gradual process. You may also consider applying essential oils on her skin while giving her a massage, listening to soft music, making her eat aphrodisiac foods while wearing a blindfold and walking barefoot on the grass.
In other words, consider other ways where you could be intimate. The important thing is to awaken your senses and give your relationship an extra boost.
7. Try Something New
Date nights are imperative; however, don’t confine yourself with dinner-movie-coffee dates. Yes, this type of date is still a date, but it is the perfect example of a routine, which can be quite dull. There are tons of fun activities that you could do together and at the same time, strengthen the bond between you two.
Start by looking for something you want to do together. Break the routine and do an activity you haven’t done before. Enroll in a cooking class, go on double dates, pick new furniture for the house, go on a road trip, ride a rollercoaster, watch porn together, or visit a new place, among others. Don’t be afraid to go for the extreme activities. The important thing is to be creative.
8. Don’t Rush It
Say you’ve done the first seven tips and you slowly feel an improvement inside the bedroom. That’s great news; however, relax.
It’s been a while since you two had the most amazing sex to date. There will be anxiety and performance issues in between – and that’s okay. Don’t put pressure on each other to perform, since it could only make sex painful and uncomfortable.
At the same time, don’t rush sex. Take it one-step at a time. If you two feel it’s not yet the right time to break the spell, then that’s okay. Otherwise, it could result in a negative experience that could prolong the dry spell. Relax.
9. It’s Okay To Consult A Doctor
There are cases where you tried everything and yet, the desire for sex doesn’t come out naturally. There might be instances where you feel pain or there are physical problems getting in the way. In this case, it won’t hurt if you consult a doctor or a sex therapist. These experts help identify the problem, look into the possible causes and come up with a solution, according to your needs.
The issue is that some couples wait it out too long and only seek help in the worst situations. If you notice something off inside the bedroom, schedule that doctor’s trip as soon as you can. The earlier you address the issue, the faster and better the results will be.
10. Have Fun Together
Above everything else, just have fun with your ladylove. Even if you two are not getting naughty inside the bedroom, focusing on each other’s happiness and constantly looking for ways to strengthen the bond could breed other good things in the relationship.
The important thing is to have fun together and be happy in each other’s arms. Sex is an important tool in the relationship but that shouldn’t be your primary focus.
Take it one day at a time, make time for each other, focus on the things that really matter, talk about your issues, don’t pressure yourself to have sex everyday and your dry spell will end eventually.
At the end of the day, it’s about doing what you can to maintain intimacy in the relationship. When you start to look back to the years that were, you could say that you did work it out and you got through it together.
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